“Real love is a steadfast promise
that repeats itself endlessly through life and beyond death.
Love does not increase or decrease in response to its environment
and it does not change with the changing winds.

Love is not an emotion;
it doesn’t behave the way emotions do.
Real love is in a category of its own.

Those things we’ve learned to equate with romantic love
like the physical attraction, the shared hobbies, the projections, the passions
those things move and change and fluctuate in the way emotions do.
But they’re not love.

Love is utterly stable and unaffected by emotions.
When we truly love we can experience all our emotions
including fear, rage, grief, betrayal and shame
while continuing to love and honour our loved ones.

Love isn’t the opposite of fear or anger
or any other emotion.
Love is much deeper than that.

For some people, love is merely infatuation.
These people find the person who best typifies their view of the world and projects emotions on to them.
Then, when the projections fail and you see your target as the flawed human being we all are you become disillusioned.
But that’s not love.

Real love doesn’t play games with other people’s souls.
It doesn’t need to control to feel secure.
Doesn’t need distance to feel safe.
It doesn’t depend upon what you can get out of the relationship.

Real love is a prayer and a deathless promise,
an unwavering dedication to the soul of your loved one.
Emotions and desires can come and go as they please
and circumstances can change in startling ways
but real love never waivers.

I can be furious with people I love and utterly disappointed in them
can be hurt by them and feel so let down
but my love remains.

If my loved ones are too damaged or dissimilar for our relationship to work
I don’t stay with them.
But I don’t stop loving them.”

Excerpt from ‘The Language of Emotions’ by Karla McLaren