It can feel selfish to put your needs before other people’s and while we all have to compromise in order to live harmoniously there’s a difference between compromise and self abandonment. The older I’ve become the more important it has become to live a truly authentic life.

In the past 5 years I have left friendships, family relationships and moved home. I felt drained, exhausted, taken for granted, resentful, ignored and confined. I wasn’t eating or sleeping properly and had lost interest in my hobbies, including photography which had previously brought me great joy and been my biggest source of stress relief. I felt guilty admitting my needs to myself, let alone to other people, and it was painful to realise I was living a life which made me unhappy.

The changes I have made have been huge and they have not come without loss. I have left a pretty, traditional cottage with beams, fireplaces and wooden floorboards for a pug ugly house without a single character feature. But I have gained tranquillity, ease, joy and a life which means I wake each morning with gratitude in my heart.

I have left the perceived comfort of family and old friends and am living a much more isolated existence. But have gained inner peace, a lack of drama, deep restful sleep, time to focus on my own needs and wants and had the courage to stand up for myself. For decades I played at being who other people wanted me to be rather than being who I authentically am and I moulded myself into the role they picked for me to play. I feel such freedom at finally living my own life in my own way and I genuinely couldn’t care less what anyone thinks of that.

I have faced huge pushback because the people in my life were content with our previous relationship. My friends were happy I was the one putting in all the effort to keep our friendship going because it meant they didn’t have to. My family were happy I didn’t rock the boat, that I was always there for them and that I took care of their every need, even if the secrets I kept made me emotionally ill and I was so physically exhausted I could barely function. When I moved I was a loss to my village as I did volunteer work nobody else wanted to do.

But life is not a dress rehearsal. I don’t get to do this over again and there is no magical time in the future when I will be happy and content, unless I create a life which makes me happy and content.

Living in the Lake District, which is visited by 16 million people every year due to its stunning scenery, when I first started in photography I naturally assumed I would photograph the landscape. And I tried, I really did, but it did not bring me one ounce of joy. In fact, it bored me rigid. Which isn’t to say I don’t find the area in which I live as stunningly beautiful and moving as the next person, just that it doesn’t inspire me to capture it on film. Instead what excited me was composite photography which, when I first started out over a decade ago, was in its infancy and derided by 90% of other photographers. Judges didn’t like it, it wasn’t classed as “proper” photography and I was even subtly accused of ‘cheating’ in competitions. I was one of the black sheep of the photography world.

However, when I’m doing something which authentically brings me joy it lights me up on the inside. I lose track of time and feel excited, driven, happy, energised, even a bit obsessed…….all good signs that I am on the right path! That’s not to say that I don’t have lulls where creating new images feels like hard work, or that I don’t face struggles to come up with new ideas, or that I don’t get distracted for short periods of time when I’m focused on other things, but I always find my way back because creative photography makes my heart sing.

I had to find the courage to go against the norm and follow my passion, just like I had to ignore the criticism and backlash when I made changes in order to live a more authentic life. The reward is that I wake each morning eager to start my day and I go to bed grateful and content. My life may not suit everyone but it lights me up like a Christmas tree. Not the me I show to the world but the authentic me, the real me, and it’s been worth the wait.