I seem to be on a roll with Soul & Spirit posts this week 🙂 I am passionate about the subject of spirituality as you can probably tell.

The title for this post is joy not happiness. Most people when asked what they want from life say they want to be happy, but I think what they really mean is that they want to be joy filled.

Happiness is a fleeting emotion. Stuff makes us fleetingly happy, eg buying a new car. Events make us fleetingly happy, eg having a nice holiday. Even people make us fleetingly happy, eg starting a new romantic relationship or making a new friend. But inevitably the shine fades from the new stuff, the memories from the holiday are soon forgotten and we discover that the perfect person we’ve met is just a flawed, sometimes disappointing, human just like us.

Joy, on the other hand, resides within us not without and is not dependent on outside events.

At times in my life I have been stripped of every single thing which most people think makes us happy. I lost my health and with that my career, my partner, my friends, my hobbies, my income…….hell, even my car was towed away. I spent a decade alone in my bed, and for years couldn’t even bear daylight. I couldn’t watch TV, listen to the radio, use a phone or computer, listen to music, even read my beloved books. Visitors could only stay for 10 minutes and had to speak in a whisper, otherwise I risked having a seizure. I nearly lost my life on 2 occasions. And, yet, to this day when asked to describe me I think most people would say “happy, giggly, bubbly, smiley” – in other words, joyful.

Not that I’m saying I was full of joy when I was bedridden because I absolutely was not. There are events which happen in life, such as grief, clinical depression and profound losses like the ones I encountered, during which it is impossible for people to feel joy. These are the times we simply endure. Having come out of the other side of these losses, however, many people have a gratitude for life they would probably have otherwise never experienced.

When I first was able to leave my bed and venture back out in the world the sound of birdsong could bring me to tears. The warmth of the sun on my skin was like a caress, the gentle breeze blowing my hair felt almost blissful and simple conversation with people whose company I enjoyed filled my heart to bursting. I had an appreciation for life which I simply hadn’t had before and although that was now 20 years ago the appreciation has never left me.

When I lay alone in my bed for all those years, my yearning wasn’t for a holiday to the Caribbean or a flash new motor, to lose a few pounds, for designer clothes (which I’ve never understood), a big house filled with inanimate objects to impress the neighbours, or the hamster wheel stress of a high flying career despite the money that would inevitably bring. No. My yearning was for simple pleasures: a hug, a hot shower, fresh air, clean bed sheets, nourishing food, sunshine, laughter, music, books, time spent with pets, watching the sun set, walks by the river, bird song, nature……..writing about that has literally brought me to tears. But they’re tears of joy, because these things now constitute my life (well, currently minus the pets) and I am filled with such joy some days I can barely contain it.

Gratitude is the cornerstone of joyful living. I don’t have much money but I can pay my bills and for that I am thankful. I don’t have any family so am thankful for my friends. I am thankful for the activities my body can do, not sad for those it cannot. I’m grateful from the second I open my eyes, having slept in clean sheets and a warm bed. I am grateful when I pull back the curtains each morning and see the vast expanse of sky, watch the sun rise or the rain fall, sip tea and eat hot toast serenaded by the soul food of bird song. I am grateful for the books on my shelf, the music playing on my radio and my laptop which connects me to the world and you. I am grateful beyond measure when my hand is held.

I make my life sound like some kind of idyllic paradise and, while many days that’s exactly how it feels, there are times when it is anything but. I suffer the same stresses, disappointments, worries and losses as everyone else (I’m living with a brain tumour let’s not forget). But because my joy is not dependent on outside events it is rarely touched by them. On the days I’m in bed with crippling head pain I can still look to my left out of the patio doors and see the sun rise or the rain fall and listen to the song of birds.

We will only ever remember this one life – I hope yours is filled with joy. And if it’s not, have the courage to change it.