Most human beings, and some animals, have empathy. I say most, because people with Cluster B personality disorders such as Psychopathy, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personalty Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder have limited or no empathy as part of their disorder and while there is no reliable data on how many people have these disorders because sufferers are unlikely to seek a diagnosis some estimates place prevalence at 1 in 20 for psychopathy and 1 in 10 for narcissistic or borderline so they’re not rare (just rarely diagnosed). That aside, the majority of people feel empathy on a sliding scale of intensity from mildly empathic to hugely empathic.

There is a current trend, particularly online, for people with normal levels of empathy to call themselves an Empath. However this is not correct – they have normal levels of empathy, though some may be at the higher end of the empathy scale. Being an Empath is something else entirely and Empaths have expanded not high levels of empathy.

My earliest memory of having abnormal empathy was watching the film Bambi. I would have been around 5 years of age and when the young fawn’s Mum is shot and killed I was inconsolable. Not just a bit upset, I was acutely traumatised to the point where I couldn’t watch the rest of the film and now at the age of 58 I am still unable to watch it. That memory as a 5 year old child is burned into my psyche and I can remember it like it was yesterday even though it happened over 50 years ago. The same goes for the film Watership Down, the TV series Lassie and the TV series Black Beauty. Of course, animated characters aren’t real so why would I feel such anguish for their suffering when they’re not actually suffering? It’s because I automatically experience the emotions I would feel if I were in their situation, which is what empathy is – the ability to feel what others are feeling. Having your Mum die at the age of 5 would be terrifying.

When I was around 12 years old my parents bought me a puppy for Christmas. A black Labrador/Collie cross who was an unwanted farm dog. He was hugely intelligent as most Collies are, but also had the pack/family orientated nature of a Labrador. And, yet, both my parents worked 12 hour shifts and I was at school then work all day so that dog was left alone for most of his life with zero mental stimulation or company. We didn’t know any better and at the time had no idea we weren’t looking after him well, but I know now and thinking about this recently made me cry for 3 whole days even though my dog has been dead for over 30 years. I acutely felt the lonely, unfulfilling life that he had led.

Note that all of these experiences contain emotional empathy for animals and I know now that I have more of an affinity with animals than I do with humans. People, in most (but not all) situations at least have agency, whereas animals do not and it is this helplessness which resonates so deeply with me.

Human energy is a different kettle of fish altogether. It’s incredibly difficult to explain how I experience other people’s energy. Sometimes I’m with someone and I suddenly feel anxiety in the pit of my stomach for no reason or I might feel really sad even though the person I’m talking to appears happy. In other circumstances I may not experience emotions but get mental impressions instead. Sometimes I’m going about my business and I suddenly get an overwhelming urge to contact someone or instinctively know they are experiencing strong emotions. Some people have hidden agendas and I know this about them – the difficulty I then face is what to do with this information. We all have secrets which are ours to keep and it’s not my place to out them.

I don’t go around trying to read people. We naturally and subconsciously read other people’s facial expressions and body language, and I read other people’s energy in exactly the same way. Some people are impossible to read, they have walls around themselves 10 feet high, while others are an open book and I struggle to block them out. Contrary to what you might expect, I rarely pick up on lies because liars hide behind their deception. I’ve never consciously developed my empathy and would imagine if I did I’d become much more proficient at reading dark energy. Instead I tend to pick up on honest, open people.

Processing the World

Empaths both think and feel deeply. Some days I feel so joyful it’s like my body can’t contain it. I was explaining to a friend this week that one of the reasons I bought my current property is that it backs onto open fields and has a large expanse of sky and on those days where my body can’t contain my emotions I go out into the garden and twirl around, releasing my energy into nature and the universe because it’s the only place which feels large enough to hold it.

Conversely I feel utterly suffocated in town and cities. My energy ricochets off the walls of the buildings and my emotions are overwhelmed by the energy of the crowds. It really is my version of hell.

Touch is exquisite to me. I am incredibly sensual and tactile and the feel of another person’s skin against mine, even if we’re just holding hands, is………well, I can’t even describe it. On the downside, I was asked to go cold water swimming with a friend and had to decline. The freezing cold water would be like a million painful, stabbing pins on my skin.

Empaths experience the world with intensity. Always. We don’t know any other way to be and it actually came as a shock to me to discover that few other people experience the world in the way I do.

Giftedness

Research shows that many people who are intellectually gifted also possess high levels of empathy. There are several hypotheses for this which are outlined in this article from the Davidson Institute for gifted children.

Synaesthesia/Somatic Empathy

There are various forms of synaesthesia, most of which are not linked to empathy. Mirror-pain synaesthesia, however, is classed as an expanded form of empathy and it’s largely this which makes me an Empath rather than someone who is merely at the higher end of the normal empathy spectrum. There is debate amongst synaesthesia researchers whether MPS is a type of synaesthesia or not and they have not yet reached a consensus, however whether it’s called MPS or Somatic Empathy makes no odds to me or my experience.

People with MPS have overly-sensitive mirror neurons in the brain. When you stub your toe you immediately experience pain over which you have no control, but when someone else stubs their toe it has no effect on you. This is because your brain distinguishes between ‘self’ and ‘others’. However, for someone with MPS when someone else stubs their toe we immediately feel physical pain over which we have no control because the boundary between ‘others’ and ‘self’ is blurry.

My MPS is not confined to merely seeing someone else experience physical pain. I also experience MPS whenever I hear about physical pain in conversation or read about it in print. It happens with both people and animals and I feel the same level of pain whether it’s a wild gazelle on the plains in Africa or next door’s pet dog, a stranger at a bus stop or my best friend.

Most people with MPS don’t experience the same pain as other people. For example, if you stub your toe my toe doesn’t hurt. Instead I get intense and explosive electric shocks up both my legs and my knees become jelly-like. Other people with MPS report these sensations in their groin, back or head.

Synaesthesia is estimated to affect around 4% of the population, with mirror-touch synaesthesia affecting 1.6% of the population. Mirror-touch and mirror-pain synaesthesia are different, however, and hardly any research has been done on MPS so we don’t know the prevalence. My Mum also had MPS, so there’s clearly a genetic component for me. Because Mum also experienced MPS it was normal in our family and I had no clue other people didn’t feel others’ pain until I was in my 50s – how mental is that?!

I love wildlife but have never watched a David Attenborough wildlife documentary in my life. Animals being hunted and killed would be way too emotionally and physically traumatic for me. I could also never watch the film War Horse for the same reasons. As a teenager I thought about becoming a doctor but decided experiencing physical trauma on a daily basis would not be healthy for me, especially as I struggle to even watch Casualty on the telly 😉.

Conclusion

As an Empath, I experience not only my own world but the world of others in a deep, complex, intense and expansive way. It has its upsides and I sometimes feel sad for everyone who doesn’t experience love, touch and joy in the way I do, but it also has its downsides in that the sensory world can be utterly overwhelming. It has also been a lonely existence in that I’ve been made to feel like my depth and complexity are somehow ‘wrong’ or bewildering and I’ve often been described as “too much”, though from my perspective other people aren’t “enough” and can leave me unfulfilled.

However, with age comes maturity. Self acceptance and self love. Gratitude for the extra-ordinary space which I inhabit. Embracing of my rare abilities, which are beautiful gifts for the recipients of my deep love and empathy as well as myself, not traits to be derided. I often say I live in a world of glorious technicolour which can sometimes be dazzling but is always, always wondrous.