We all wear a mask when in public. It helps society run smoothly, protects our privacy and allows us to function in the world. It’s only in private where it’s safe to be vulnerable and our truest selves.
However, for decades I didn’t truly know who I was. I knew I wasn’t quite like the majority of other people but I didn’t understand what set me apart. Because of that I never felt loved for who I really was, because if I didn’t fully know and understand myself how could anybody else? I was, nevertheless, unconditionally loved by my Mum and two of my best friends for which I am eternally grateful but it’s only when I came to fully know myself that I felt able to be authentically loved.
I think many of us are scared to show our real selves. We’re terrified of rejection which, if you allowed yourself to be so vulnerable that you are fully seen, would be utterly devastating. However, in not being who you truly are you’re never actually loved in the first place. People love the masquerade, not the real you.
I tried my best to fit in with everyone else. For starters I faked being well. I faked interest in what other people liked, silenced my own opinions and values to keep the peace, and ignored my own needs and wants in favour of theirs. In the process I lost myself and realised I wasn’t liked for who I was, I was only liked for the fake version of myself I presented to others. I wasn’t even seen.
I’ve also loved the fake versions of other people. A previous boyfriend presented to me as a spiritual, meditating, nature and home loving introvert because these qualities most closely resembled mine, and to his next girlfriend as a Catholic Church attending, city loving, globe trotting extrovert because these are the qualities which most closely resembled her. Neither of us loved him because neither of us had a clue who he actually was. We were in love with the mask, the pretence, the mirror.
It takes vulnerability to get to know who we are at a Soul level and courage to walk as that person in the world. But it is also utterly liberating. It’s exhausting to try and be someone you’re not and there is such peace and freedom to be found in living an authentic life.
It’s still scary, sometimes, to be the real me and I know I’m not everybody’s cup of tea. But that’s OK.
I used to walk into a room and wonder if people liked me – now I look around and wonder if I like them.
When I am loved I know it’s for who I am in my heart, in my spirit, in my Soul. I am finally authentically me and I am seen.
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Another very perceptive read. In a different way, I knew I wore a mask or persona in a job, I was a software trainer who stood in front of groups of people bearing the full range of attitudes towards me and the content I would deliver so I had a happy, smiling and confident mask I wore which, nine times out of ten, got me through it all successfully. Often, inside my head, the real me? was thinking …..
I think most of us wear social masks in public situations – this is normal and, like you say, can help us in situations where underneath it all we’re scared and uncertain. The issue would be if this masking carries on into our private lives, where there should be safety and confidence to be our authentic selves.