I’ve started this post several times………..and then deleted it. A bit like trying to describe the scent of sweet peas to someone who’s never smelled them, I find words utterly inadequate to describe many of my thoughts and feelings especially when it comes to the subject of soul and spirit.

Sprit can mean different things to different people. For some it’s part of the Holy Trinity and signifies the presence of God. For others it is the essence of what makes us who we are. For me, it’s a little bit of both although I don’t believe in God in a religious sense.

I’ve heard many times from other people that I possess an “indomitable spirit”. Where does this Spirit come from, I wonder? I’m sure some is innate, in that traits like stubbornness are largely genetic and I can be as stubborn as a mule 😉 Nurture also plays a role, for example I was so neglected as a child that Social Services threatened to take me into care and being alone so much meant I became self reliant and self motivated. But there is so much more at play.

As a child I was horrendously bullied. Told I was ugly, worthless, disgusting and treated like I was subhuman, yet I still liked me.
I suffered a decade of physical torture due to neurological damage which I barely survived, yet I am still here.
I manage ill health every day of my life, yet still live in joy and gratitude.
I have suffered betrayal and injustice, yet am still trusting.
I have been emotionally abused, cheated on, deceived and abandoned, yet still love with my whole heart.

What makes the Spirit of survivors? How did Nelson Mandela suffer 27 years in prison and end up leading his Country? How did Viktor Frankl suffer Auschwitz, the murder of his Mother and Brother and the death of his Father and Wife, yet go on to write a book on the Meaning of Life? How did Oprah Winfrey, born in poverty, raped as a child and forced to give birth aged 14, go on to have a global empire and a deeply spiritual life? How did Stephen Hawking, diagnosed with ALS aged 21 and given only a few years to live, defy all the odds and survive for another 50 years to become one of the most influential theoretical physicists of our time?

They didn’t thrive because life was easy, that’s for sure. Each were stripped of all the things we think brings us happiness: freedom, love & family, financial security, bodily autonomy, health. I sometimes think that the most joyful people are those who have suffered the greatest adversity. We don’t truly appreciate the Light until we’ve lived in utter Darkness. When all the trappings of life are removed we are left simply facing ourselves and it’s then we discover whether or not we like what we see.

However, those who have suffered the greatest adversity have also often seen the worst of man. Mandela was at the mercy of a corrupt government and sadistic prison guards, and Frankl must have endured atrocities in Auschwitz that we can’t even begin to comprehend. Yet their capacity to remain human, compassionate and empathic endured. For me, this is where the Divine comes in.

Each of my own personal experiences has made me become more of who I am, not less. My stubborn-ness refuses to allow my abusers to dim my light. That isn’t to say that I walk like an Angelic Being in the world, far from it! I am not a doormat to be walked over. Frankl didn’t survive a concentration camp by being a sacrificial lamb or he wouldn’t have lived to tell the tale. There is often a steel running through survivors which allows them to endure the seemingly unendurable and we often see a very strong sense of justice in survivors of adversity.

Where does our Spirit reside? Nobody knows. Can we point to a part of our brain and say “these neurons fire and that’s what creates our Spirit”? Of course not and yet our Spirit is the very essence of who we are as a human being. For me it resides in the Soul – more on that in another post.

None of us will escape adversity and suffering in life and there will be circumstances which are thrust upon us against our wishes, but while we may have no control over these events we can choose how to respond to them. ‘Free will’ if you like. Adversity either shrinks or expands us. We become more human or less. More loving or less. Stronger or weaker. We fight for justice or we acquiesce. We expose wrong doing or we keep silent. The choice is ours alone to make. Choose wisely.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Viktor Frankl