“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction” Sir Isaac Newton

When you understand that human beings are balls of vibrating energy operating on a plane of consciousness we as yet don’t understand and that our energy can affect others not only locally but hundreds, even thousands, of miles away, you recognise that your thoughts, words and actions have consequences of which you may be unaware.

If you believe that our purpose in life is Soul growth, that both our energy and our Spirit ultimately reside in the Soul and that your thoughts, words and actions affect both the Souls of others and your own Soul, it becomes fundamentally important to live life with careful intention.

Probably the question I most ask myself is “what is my intention?” For my thoughts, for my words, for my actions. What will the affect be, both for myself and for others?

Here are a few comments made to me by someone last year:
“Do you always wear stud earrings?”
“Those leggings look very tight”
“You seem to like wearing trainers”
“You should just let your hair go grey because everyone’s hair is grey when they’re your age”
Innocent enough, right? Just passing comment. But what was the intention behind these seemingly innocuous remarks?

As the person on the receiving end I felt:
– that I wasn’t good enough and in order to be good enough I had to change;
– that I was being compared to other women and found wanting;
– that the commentator wanted to reduce my self worth and self esteem;
– that the commentator was trying to mould me into being who they wanted me to be rather than loving and accepting me for who I am;
– that the commentator was trying to control me.
Impactful consequences for just a few small remarks.

During the last year of her life my Mum was bedridden but wished to remain at home. She chose to appoint me as her legal guardian and the Executor of her estate, though she lived with her second Husband. He was unhappy with her choice and abused both Mum and I, the consequences of which resulted in me being assaulted and Mum committing suicide. After she died, he then continued to abuse me through the legal system for 2 years. As Executor of an estate you have to be impartial and I dealt with him courteously and patiently. However after the estate was settled I wrote him a letter which, to the uninformed, must have appeared harsh (though in my defence it was actually incredibly restrained).

It took me several weeks to decide on the content and I carefully examined my intentions for the letter before posting, which were:
– to hold him accountable for his actions. All abusers feel entitled to hurt others and think that their victims will be too weak to retaliate – it’s this which enables, and emboldens, their abuse. They absolutely depend on your silence. But Newton’s Third Law reminds us that “an object cannot exert force without experiencing force itself”. Actions have consequences and the consequence of my Mum’s Husband choosing to abuse was my reaction to the abuse, which changed his life in ways he couldn’t possibly have foreseen (see next point).
– to reveal a relevant family secret which had affected my own emotional health;
– to enable me to move on from our 42 year relationship. This was my main intention.

Last year I was dumped for the 7th time by a man I was in a relationship with, totally out of the blue. He had lied to, and cheated on me, from day one (not that I knew this at the time). Controlled, manipulated, psychologically and emotionally abused me and then made the decision to ghost me like I’d never existed to pursue a relationship with the woman he had cheated on me with. I don’t think she knew he was already in a relationship when she met him and had been told we were ‘just friends’. I wrote to the other woman, detailing our relationship. I also gave her my number so that she could ring me if she had any questions.

To the uninformed, contacting the other woman may have appeared like I was the vengeful and/or jealous ex but that wasn’t my intention at all because at this stage I’d realised just how abused I’d been (something I hadn’t seen when I was inside the relationship). I didn’t write to her to hurt her. My ex was the one who had lied, deceived, controlled, manipulated and cheated – he, and he alone, was responsible for hurting both her and me.

Instead my intention was:
– safety for the other woman. Just like in the situation with my Mum’s Husband, my ex felt entitled to hurt others and thought that I would feel unable to speak out. The cruelty he showed towards me when he discarded me scared me and I was concerned for the other woman’s emotional (if not physical) safety, particularly as I knew she had been unwell and may be vulnerable.
– to give the other woman informed choice. If I had known when I first met this man that he was dating other women and lying to me I would never have entered into a relationship with him. He robbed me of autonomy over my own life. In exposing his deceit I gave the other woman information with which to decide whether to continue in a relationship with him or not, and I told her that was my intention for writing to her in the letter.

When we act without considering intention we leave the consequences of our words and actions to chance. When we act or speak to deliberately hurt others we must expect to “experience force” ourselves. It is impossible to proceed on a spiritual path by crushing the Souls of others underfoot.

When we recognise that not only our actions, but our thoughts and words, shape our experience we begin to live with much more care, much more reverence. Intention determines outcome.